This past weekend, my mind went to a place I hope it never goes to again. I had a major panic attack mixed with a fever and I. Went. Nuts. I mean I seriously felt like I was going crazy. I thought it was the worst thing I had been through, and then I hung out with Rocky tonight and, I have never been so happy, or grateful for my life. I wanted to write this first so that if it ever happened again, God forbid, I would have something to remind me how I got through it, and how it did go away, and how those doubts that I had were truly just doubts, and that I'm more stable now in my feelings than ever. So no, I'm not saying it was the greatest thing in the world just because it had a silver lining, it sucked, it definitely sucked, it just.... turned out alright, and that's the thing to remember.
Now for the other things on my mind.
Old school fb note style.
My life, is SO wonderful. Lets start at the top.
My family LOVES me, I mean really truly Loves me, no matter what, and keeping secrets from them, is a waste of time and energy, because they Love and respect me as a person, and I hope to give them reasons to be really proud of me soon, I'm going to stop slacking, find a job, start taking better care of myself, because I know that will show them how thankful I am for them, and the way they raised me, and they deserve to feel that.
Tayanna, living with you has been SO EASY compared to past roommates, there is mutual respect and not a constant annoyance cloud hanging over the room. It has been such a great year living with you, you help me to be more social, and you've helped me learn how to be more independent. Most importantly we have remained friends, you're there for me and care about me, and I couldn't be more grateful to reside in such close quarters as someone like that.
Jade Fleebe, it is so good to know that no matter how much time we spend apart we will still say the same things at the same time, and more importantly that we will always take the time to remain in each others lives, that is a quality so so many other friendships have failed at. Still we should try to see each other more often. You help me to remember to be care free, and to laugh at any and everything, and I can't tell you how much I need that in my life. :) I Love You girly!
Shelby Brim, sometimes I forget how completely vital you are to my life, and for those times I should be slapped. You inspire me, and push me, and I know you will forever be my best friend. I'm sorry I've been a bit rude about the whole Daniel thing, it's hard to "allow" your best friend to date someone that you're not sure deserves them, in my eyes you deserve the greatest guy in the world, and I guess I felt like you swept up the first one that wasn't creepily stalking you over the internet. But you seem happier, and I know what it's like to be lonely so I'll let off and let you do what you want baby girl, I Love You.
Mike Smith, I know we don't have dinner for five hours once a week anymore in which we unleash all of our worlds frustrations but I want you to know that you are always someone I know will be there for me, and someone I will always trust. You are such a wonderful person and you're are gonna get every last piece of goodness that you deserve.
Brandon Reddick, I just rapped your last name to make sure that I spelled it right. You sir, have come so far, and not that you need it, but I just want you to know how proud I am of you. You have sincerely developed into a stand up guy, and I couldn't be happier for you. Also, I looove Maci, I hope you keep her haha
Rocky Rigoli, man of my life :) You have turned my world upside down in all of the best possible ways. You have given me a new confidence and a new understanding of Love. You are my best friend, I know I can come to you with anything and you will help me, and with the most positive attitude and faith in me like I've never had before. You sit through all my terrible favorite movies, you take me out on real dates, you make me laugh, and genuinely laugh at my jokes. We have the best conversations, and are so great at communicating with each other. Never have I felt like a deserved a guy so much, nor have I ever felt so strongly that someone deserved me. You make me feel Safe and Spontaneous and Loved and I could never ask for a better person to be spending my time with. Also you have long sexy hair :)
